You where there
when the bus left at seven
leaving no passengers behind except for me
You were there
when I didn’t waste a second
and tried chasing after it
You where there
when my lungs finally gave up
and I defeatedly fell on the curbs
You where there
when I almost tore up my résumé
saying that this was my only chance, but I blew it
You where there
when I just wanted to go back home
back to my bed where it felt safe
and just forget this ever happened
You were there
telling me we should take the train
because the day wasn’t over yet

I am a series of waves
crashing into rocks,
battling for a life outside this shore

I am a large body of water
with secrets buried deep
and you have to be careful not to drown with them

I am a puzzle
built of uncharted spaces,
unraveling only at your fingertips

I am what you’re afraid of
if you don’t know how to swim
because I can’t promise that you’ll stay afloat

I am not what you want
if vastness terrifies you
and if you can only handle what you can touch

But I promise I will show you
how the sun sets, how the sun rises,
and how still it can be after a storm

You have placed me with stacks of books
that you haven’t read but meant to
You found comfort in knowing
that I was here if you needed me
And I relied on the idea
that someday you would come look for me
But the books have piled up in your room
and I don’t even know if there’s a place for me
You would soon forget
you even had me
and my name wouldn’t even ring a bell
You would soon lose me
along with everything you didn’t care enough to set aside
It took me long enough to remember
that I am my own story
and I don’t need anyone to complete me
I could be read from cover to cover
and I would still be proud of who I am
Because I have accepted and forgiven everyone for what happened between the pages
I have forgiven you, too

I wish I could go up 50,000 stories tall
without being afraid of the heights
To feel the wind on my face
and see the world from a better place

I wish I could go up 50,000 stories tall
and see that 10,000 mistakes
10,000 rejections
10,000 heartbreaks
10,000 not good enoughs
10,000 too lates
doesn’t have to make me feel so small
Instead, it should take me to the top
Somewhere high as the clouds
Because 50,000 stories of my past
are things I have surpassed

I took my bags with me
Each were heavy with two years of regret
and missed opportunities
If I just did things a little differently
would you still be here?

But fear got in the way
Now, I don’t even have anything to be afraid of
because there’s nothing worth fighting for
Nothing worth risking
Nothing left saving
Nothing -
not even you

And the worst part is knowing
we could have been great

You told me how you used to have so much love to give, but the only way to cope with life was to change who you are. You built colossal walls around you that deemed impossible for anyone to climb. But still, you loved so much more than anyone has ever loved anything. I’m thankful for moments like this, when you show how fragile you are because you trust me enough to know that I will never break you. So I will tell you this:

When it’s two in the morning and nothing could calm the relentless wars inside your head, I hope you know that you’re loved just as much as you love.

Underneath,
the ground is shaking
We could run all we want
until the soles of our feet are aching
But we’re all just stuck no matter where we go
while we watch everything around us crumble

We have built this city,
but it has turned against us
The hopes of reaching for the stars
were too high for us to climb
Everyone’s either faceless or has too many masks —
we always have to keep our guards up
It has grown on each and everyone of us
that we don’t even know who to trust
We are getting pushed by people
that once pulled us up
Still, we live everyday with hope
that we could swim against the current
But the hope is growing faint
because everyday we believe a little less

Please,
Please don’t let your lights go out